Panting Slit

How to fight a crocodile/bison/manticore.

Go for the eyes everytime

Sock Puppet

Today I will be reviewing our new maid.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Bloody great, lovely arse

Mon Pubis

Today I will be reviewing air.

I can’t live without it! Love it

Bloodied Pork

Today I will be reviewing the state of the roads.

Bloody appalling!

Sloughy Stump

Imagine my embarassment on Saturday 13th when Horatio and I returned from Africa to see the village full of homeless people.

After a few hasty phone calls to the local constabulary we realised it was a scarecrow festival.I wondered why the neighbours were looking at Horatio strangely when he ran one of the buggers through with his cavalry sword.

Mouldy Helmet

It tickles me pink to announce that the recent planning application for a theme park on the pub car park has been rejected, well done Arthur and the other members of FAG (Firbeck Action Group)

I really don’t know what the landlord was thinking, imagine how many undesirables that would attract, not to mention Romani and carnival employees.

 

Pork Glove

Can all residents remember thatTrack suits or Leisure suits are best worn indoors if you have to wear them at all.

I know the comfort they offer is sometimes irresistible, but be warned, if someone see’s you in said garments they may think you live in Dinnington or Maltby.

Meat Slipper

And hugely so to you all, today I witnessed an act of anarcho dandyism whilst excercising the ocelot, a magnificent display of brolly jousting.

I thought Arthur Smeg was thrashing around in the bushes trying to free himself when I saw he was actually beating a homeless drunk with his brolly.

Good show Arthur, keep those types in Dinnington and Maltby where they tend to blend a little easier with the track suited locals.

Huzzah!

Sherry Enema

Hugely so to you all, a quick update on the fame hungry rotters who will star in F.L.U.F.F.

As you can see, a real rogues gallery of the Firbeck social elite.

Tinkerty Tonk!

Slippery Whelk

I have a blood stained executive briefcase and ITV2 tie if anyone would like to make me an offer?

Wendy Simpleton-Cringe