Big laughs lately at one’s club and the House of Lords bar at the never ending fun we have manipulating you working class scums. Worried that your general lack of personal hygiene might lead to an outbreak of something unpleasant and costly for the NHS, we decided to popularise the act of washing once again under the guise of it being called “The Ice-bucket challenge”.
Not only has this “gone viral” whatever that means, it has spread to other, equally stupid people around the world. A substantial amount of money has also been raised for one’s drinking and munitions fund under the guise of it being a “charitable donation”, not to mention that the act of bathing in ice cold water will help acclimatise the participants for conditions in the workhouses we plan to introduce as soon as we win the next election.
Imagine my embarassment on Saturday 13th when Horatio and I returned from Africa to see the village full of homeless people.
After a few hasty phone calls to the local constabulary we realised it was a scarecrow festival.I wondered why the neighbours were looking at Horatio strangely when he ran one of the buggers through with his cavalry sword.
Magnificently so to you all, it is will a lump in my throat as I announce Ken and Maud Safari are leaving the village to make a new life in Dickleburgh, Norfolk.
Both had been well liked in the village and Maud was a real hit with the swingers in Firbeck, Ken wishes everyone good health and when they have settled in all are welcome to join them at one of their infamous parties.
And a very good to you, a new shop has opened on New Road, the lovely Julia Crocus has opened the villages first book shop selling new and used books, cards and fancy goods. Below is an example of a wonderful Mothers Day card.