Butt Nuts


Good Hello, listed below are 5 pointers to help you less well bred readers seem almost civilised.

Never say ‘Pleased to meet you’. You may think you’re being terribly nice saying this upon greeting a stranger, but those in the know will have mentally clocked you are not saying, ‘How do you do?’ If you don’t know who they are, can you be sure you really are pleased to meet them?

Revise your handshake. The last time someone told you how to shake hands you were probably very young. Get a loved one to review your handshake honestly. Try to avoid being a wet fish or a bone crusher. People judge others on the quality of their handshake.

Abandon Pancake Day. For houses of quality, it’s called Shrove Tuesday. Serve crêpes in the evening. Oh, and it’s St Valentine’s Day, also.

Avoid attending Facebook parties. If you are invited anywhere by Facebook, don’t go. It won’t be worth it and you’ll probably be served beer in the bottle or wine that hasn’t been decanted.

Pudding v Dessert. The final course of a dinner (and arguably the best one) is the pudding. Note, it is called the pudding, NOT ‘dessert’. If you call your lemon posset with spun sugar basket a dessert when dining with the hoity toity, then you might as well prepare for a future dining at a Toby Carvery – where you can help yourself to the dessert buffet for the rest of eternity.

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