I had the misfortune to tread the third worldesque streets of Dinnington today as the oafish postman failed to deliver a parcel so I I had to collect it in person, I’ve told him the ocelot won’t bite to break the skin.
I was overjoyed to receive my new silver-topped Malacca cane.
Needless to say it came in very handy when approached by a sportswear shoe wearing proll. A quick crack on his temple had the bounder falling to the floor.
It transpired he was collecting for a charity to help out some poor sods in one of Britains former colonies, he received another smack, they should have stayed with Britain. Independence not working out too well it would appear.