Festering Boil

Huzzah for all residents of Firbeck and surrounding villages.

Waitrose are to open a new supermarket on the old cricket field, we have been told we can have special shopping days when only select residents from the village may attend without every Tom, Dick and Harry looking at our luxury goods.

I think Letwellians, Laughtonites and Woosettanarians are permitted most days, not the Sabbath obviously and residents from Maltby, Langold and Dinnington will be lucky to escape without pants full of buck shot. We don’t need that type in our Waitrose.